DONE!!!!

I finished the rewrite of Sapphire's Egypt, Book One, The Predestined Path, on Novermber 24!!!! YAAAAAAAAY! It has been such a long journey but very rewarding. Now I'm shopping for agents. One bit, but I lost it, did some reworking of the beginning and now...I'm being lazy! I have the excuse that the holidays and my sister visiting from Hawaii has been a distraction, but in reality...I'm being lazy! What is my issue? I swear, publication could be just a few query letters away and I'm choosing not to make it a priority! So...I think I'm going to take a nap...or eat something...or clean my room. No, not clean my room, I've been avoiding that for months...

Even though I have finished book one, I have 5 books to edit and rewrite and three books to write until I'm really done...but I can't think about that, it's overwhelming!

I will keep on heading toward my goals! Just wait, New York Times bestseller list here I come!!!

I Want to be a Tin Man

New song...nuff said...

TIN MAN

I don't like to think about getting old and gray
I like things just the way they are today
Mirror, mirror tell me please, will I always have to take the bus?
Up, up and away, leaving me behind to
CRY!

I want to...to blame you
But I know better my dear
I have to blame my heart
It's faulty- can you fix it?
Well, then, just toss it
I don't want it
if it might break again.

Something old and something new doesn't have much to do with you
Or does it?
You inhaled my very soul then you turned to go
Kicking up the dirt into my
EYES!

I want to...to tie you up and slap you
till you get it, my dear
I want to...to punch out random people
people on the street
I want to, I want to...

I want to be a tin man now
No heart and no feelings
I want to be a tin man now
All that metal will protect me from your touch
Your soft touch

By this point I bet you think I'm strange
Those who thought they knew me, like Mr. Strange.
But I'm stranger than him
I'm STRANGE! I'm strange! I'm strange! I'm strange!

I want to be a tin man now.
No heart and no feelings
I want to be a tin man now
All that metal will protect me
I want to be a tin man now
All that metal will protect me from your arms
Your warm arms

I want to be a tin man now
No heart, no feelings
I want to be a tin man now
Your kiss on my cold tin lips
will rust them shut
My cold lips
Will stay shut

STUPID!

I...am...so...STUPID!!!!

I'm just going to leave it at that!

So Tragic!

I'm working on the part in my book where Sapphire is suffering greatly and it's awesome because I relate to that right now! YES!!! PAIN ROCKS!!! It makes my writing so much better when I can really feel the emotions I'm trying to portray. In reality, I'm not suffering as much as Saff, but I am completely frustrated and wonder WHY about a WHOLE bunch of CRAP right now. GRRRRR!! I want to take the source of my frustration, tie it up and slap it in the face repeatedly until I get through to it!

So, I had to make this decision, right? I had to be strong and be true to myself and to God and it ended up being a hell of a lot harder than I would have originally expected. THIS SUCKS!!! I want to bail on my common sense and jump out of this plane of responsibility and say SCREW IT ALL! My theme song currently is the song "Reflection" I wrote, which is on my CD, "No More Staring at the Wall."

Goodbyes are hard enough to say.
I'll try to say them anyway.
Why must you run, leaving things undone?
Tomorrow, I'll be on my way.
Leaving thoughts of yesterday.
Emptiness is what I feel, but it's ok.

But is it really me to button up before I go out?
But is it really me to take a sip without examining?

Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Is there anything to see at all?
When will I be whole again?
Will I gain control again?

That's just how the story goes.
How it ends I'll never know.
Happiness at last will never come to pass.


But is it really me to lose my grip, let go of everything?
But is it really me to have no faith when faith's required of me?

Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Is there anything to see?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me PLEASE!

Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please tell me please,
It there anything to see at all?


Now, let me write about tragedy for a second. I'm all about tragedy. It's so much easier to pull emotions for that than happy love scenes. I guess I'm totally morbid and Goth or something... But there really is so much beauty in tragedy; it's the rawness of it, the grit and grime, the agony, the defeat, the turmoil- love it! AND what is so awesome about tragic suffering is the results: strength, determination, patience, perseverance. It is the catalyst for a person to find themselves and discover destiny.

Do I have a destiny? Of course! Is the situation I'm suffering currently leading me to that destiny? I would have to say...of COURSE it is! I can't wait to find out what this is leading me to and I hope and pray that it will be exactly the thing I want most! Amen? AMEN!

My life is a whirlwind

It's been a loooong time, I know. Bad Malia, not keeping up with your blog!

So let's get down to it:

I got laid off from my sucky job and replaced it with a fun one for less money, but it's 5 minutes from my house, and because it's less hours and not a 8-5, Mon.-Fri. work schedule, I've been able to sleep in, meet lots of cool people, and be an extra in the Untitled Crowley Project that's filming in Portland. I'm surrounding myself with art and creativity and it ROCKS! I have written a little, but as usual, not as much as I should be. Tee, hee.

Now, for reasons that are completely my own and I'm not telling why, I will share some ancient Egyptian poetry:

O my beautiful one,
I wish I were part of your affairs, like a wife.
With your hand in mine
your love would be returned.
I implore my heart:
"If my true love stays away tonight,
I shall be like someone already
in the grave."
Are you not my health and my life?
How joyful is your good health
for the heart that seeks you!

AAAARGGGHH and CRAP!

I really should be going home right now since I have practice with the Greeks at 8pm! Yes, I am practicing with a couple of Greek guys for the performance I'm doing at the one guy's Greek restaurant. It's going to be a lot of fun singing the Greek songs I'm learning, and belly dancing, too, BUT it is distracting me from my writing!...or to be more honest, I'm distracting myself from my writing. ALTHOUGH tonight, I'm forcing myself to write but I've hit a rough patch. I'm trying to set up this wonderful scene but every thing that's coming out is CRAP! And it's not even the cool kind of crap that has whole pieces of corn or peanuts in it. It's just a disgusting load of uninteresting fecal matter! GRRRR!

I've decided I'm going to walk away from the computer and take a breather before my brain explodes.

The moral of this story is, like poo, writing should not be something that one must strain to get out, but something to relax into, allowing it to ease out naturally.

YES! I am a 14 year old boy! HAHA!

OCD

I would like to discuss my obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to my writing.

Recently, I decided that I wanted to find Ramses' mansion and floor plans online so I didn't have to create something myself. I wanted to experience it as Sapphire would when she first arrived, (as much as I could being the writer). I also was being lazy and didn't want to spend time creating something myself, so I could get on to the good stuff I really wanted to write. So, I looked, and looked, and looked. I printed out several plans that fit what I thought Ramses would be living in. But I also was trying to find something that fit the image I had in my mind and work with the scenes I had envisioned. That's when the OCD took over.

You don't even understand how many hours I spent and how many searches I did on Google looking for the perfect mansion! No....really! You have no idea! This delayed my actual WRITING, of course, which is stupid! I sometimes wonder if my OCD is another form of procrastination. But when I get an idea in my mind or have a questions that forces me to do some research, I can't focus on my writing until I've resolved the question or found exactly what I"m looking for. It's really ridiculous, but at the same time, I've enhanced my writing a ton after these OCD moments. I do need to practice self control.

The problem with finding the right mansion was that the floor plans would be great, but the exterior renderings, (I've picked up some architectural lingo on this journey) didn't fit the look I was going for, and then when the exterior was perfect, the floor plans didn't fit. After finally finding what I thought was the perfect plan, I decided it wasn't, and ended up searching again. Finally, I chose the one with the exterior I liked and just changed the floor plan, adding a wing so that the scene I'm going to write will fit with how the house is set up.

This whole process took about 2 weeks when I actually found the house I ended up settling for after the first week of searching. SPAGETT! Yes, I'm crazy! HAHA!

Now, thank the LORD, it's all sorted out and I'm writing again!

During this process, I realized that I wanted to rush ahead to write the good stuff but it is crucial for me to be in the moment as a writer, just as the characters are. If Sapphire is seeing this mansion for the first time, she has to be totally experiencing it. Feeling, smelling, touching, and seeing it all! After looking at thousands of mansions and closely examining the one I chose, I was able to do a better job describing everything and making it come to life!

The moral of this story is: if you don't want to be crazy, don't become a writer! HAHA!
Actually, it's that research, being in the moment with your characters, and sometimes OCD, can benefit your writing!