Friday, June 12, 2009

So Tragic!

I'm working on the part in my book where Sapphire is suffering greatly and it's awesome because I relate to that right now! YES!!! PAIN ROCKS!!! It makes my writing so much better when I can really feel the emotions I'm trying to portray. In reality, I'm not suffering as much as Saff, but I am completely frustrated and wonder WHY about a WHOLE bunch of CRAP right now. GRRRRR!! I want to take the source of my frustration, tie it up and slap it in the face repeatedly until I get through to it!

So, I had to make this decision, right? I had to be strong and be true to myself and to God and it ended up being a hell of a lot harder than I would have originally expected. THIS SUCKS!!! I want to bail on my common sense and jump out of this plane of responsibility and say SCREW IT ALL! My theme song currently is the song "Reflection" I wrote, which is on my CD, "No More Staring at the Wall."

Goodbyes are hard enough to say.
I'll try to say them anyway.
Why must you run, leaving things undone?
Tomorrow, I'll be on my way.
Leaving thoughts of yesterday.
Emptiness is what I feel, but it's ok.

But is it really me to button up before I go out?
But is it really me to take a sip without examining?

Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Is there anything to see at all?
When will I be whole again?
Will I gain control again?

That's just how the story goes.
How it ends I'll never know.
Happiness at last will never come to pass.


But is it really me to lose my grip, let go of everything?
But is it really me to have no faith when faith's required of me?

Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Is there anything to see?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me PLEASE!

Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please, tell me please,
Why do I look so small?
Mirror, mirror please tell me please,
It there anything to see at all?


Now, let me write about tragedy for a second. I'm all about tragedy. It's so much easier to pull emotions for that than happy love scenes. I guess I'm totally morbid and Goth or something... But there really is so much beauty in tragedy; it's the rawness of it, the grit and grime, the agony, the defeat, the turmoil- love it! AND what is so awesome about tragic suffering is the results: strength, determination, patience, perseverance. It is the catalyst for a person to find themselves and discover destiny.

Do I have a destiny? Of course! Is the situation I'm suffering currently leading me to that destiny? I would have to say...of COURSE it is! I can't wait to find out what this is leading me to and I hope and pray that it will be exactly the thing I want most! Amen? AMEN!

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